INDAHNYA IMAN 21

Gelak ketawa dan gurauan Atif bermain-main di dalam fikiran. Seperti baru semalam mereka berkenalan, kini sudah 4 tahun usia persahabatan mereka.

Badannya tiba-tiba terdorong ke belakang. Apahal ni? Muqri menoleh. Siapa yang tarik beg aku tengah-tengah perhimpunan ni? Matanya menangkap seorang budak lelaki sedang tersengih memandangnya.

"Hai." Dia melambaikan tangan. "Nama awak siapa?"

Dengan muka berkerut dia menjawab. "Muqri."

Budak tu sekadar mengangguk. "Ohh.."

Muqri tidak berpuas hati dengan respon tersebut. He owe me an explaination. "Kenapa awak tarik beg saya?" 

Dia tertawa kecil. "Saja. Sebab saya nak kawan dengan awak."

Muqri kembali memandang hadapan. Pengetua sedang naik ke pentas untuk memberikan ucapan. 

"By the way, nama saya Atif."

Sejak dari itu, mereka mula berkenalan.

"Muq!"

Jeritan itu menyentaknya dari lamunan. Mata sekadar memandang Asyraf di sebelah dengan wajah yang tidak beriak.

"Kau okay tak ni? Dari balik tengok Atif tadi kau diam je."

Segaris senyuman tawar dilemparkan. "Aku okay je." Mata kembali diarah pada pokok-pokok di sekitar laluan keretapi. Lama lagi agaknya nak sampai kajang.

Haih.. Asyraf mengeluh di dalam hati. Bukan sehari dua kenal dengan Muqri ni. Faham dah angin ribut dia macam mana. Dan dia faham juga kenapa Muqri jadi macam ni. 

"Korang ni... siapa?"

Kehilangan memori Atif memberi tamparan yang agak hebat buat Muqri. Hilang memori, hilanglah kenangan. Hilang kenangan, hilang juga persahabatan.

*****

Baju yang telah dilipat dibawa keluar dari loker. Takde dekat sini. Dia mencari lagi di bahagian atas loker. Tangan meraba-raba mencari kelibat barang tersebut. Dibuka pula laci. Mata terus menuju ke partition belakang. Yes, got it! Kotak bersaiz sederhana dibawa keluar. 

Rasanya kalau aku guna cara ni, dia akan ingat balik tak? Tak salah mencuba, kan? Senyuman lebar terukir di bibir Muqri setelah sekian lama.


*****

"Assalamu'alaikum.." Lafaz salam ditutur sambil pintu bilik dibuka perlahan.

Matanya bertentang dengan mata Muqri. "Wa'alaikumussalam."

Perlahan dia menapak mendekati Atif. "Kau... apa khabar?" Bingkas dia duduk. Kebetulan pada waktu ini tiada siapa yang datang melawat Atif, jadi kerusi yang disediakan kosong.

"Alhamdulillah.. makin sihat." Dia melipat muka surat terakhir yang sempat dibacanya tadi lalu diletakkan di sisi katil. "Siapa nama kau, eh? Maaflah aku tak ingat."

"Muq. Muqri."

"So, apa hajat kau datang sini?"

"First of all, aku nak mintak maaf sebab masa aku melawat kau haritu aku terus balik macam tu je. Masa tu susah sikit aku nak terima yang kau tak ingat dekat aku. Yelah.. aku tunggu kau setiap hari, teringat dekat kau setiap masa." Suara Muqri menjadi serak. Tahan sebak. "Tapi takpe, sekarang aku dah terima. Yang paling penting sekali kau selamat."

"Aku nak tanya lah.. betul ke kau kawan baik aku?" Dengan nada sinis Atif menutur.

Dia mengangkat muka yang tunduk sejak tadi. "What?!" Muka diraup kasar. "Kau tak percaya dekat aku ke?"

"Mana boleh aku percaya orang sesenang tu. Tambah-tambah sekarang aku dah hilang ingatan, tak ingat apa-apa." Mata Muqri ditentang tajam. "Boleh jadi orang reka cerita pasal aku. Kan?" Atif tersenyum sinis.

Tercalar hati Muqri mendengar kata-kata Atif. Luka yang lama disangka sudah sembuh, malangnya berdarah kembali. Nafasnya naik turun menahan amarah dan sedih. Segera dia mencapai kotak dari beg galasnya. "Nah!" Kotak diletakkan di atas kaki Atif. "Kalau tak percaya sangat, tengoklah benda ni." Dia terus bangun dari duduk. "Aku balik dulu, assalamu'alaikum." Langkah segera diatur keluar.

Dia langsung tidak menoleh ke arah Muqri yang kini beredar. Kotak di atas kaki sekadar direnung. Setelah beberapa ketika, barulah tangannya perlahan-lahan mencapai kotak itu. Penutupnya dibuka menzahirkan perkara yang terkandung di dalamnya.

Setitis air mata jatuh. Ya Allah, aku telah melukai perasaan sahabatku.

INDAHNYA IMAN 20

"Ibu, bila abang boleh balik?" Atif mengajukan soalan. 

Ibu mengelus lembut rambut Atif. "Abang, abang baru je sedar. Sabar lah ye."

"Abang sakit biasa-biasa je kan, ibu. Buat apa nak lama-lama dekat hospital?"

Ibu tersentak. Sakit biasa-biasa? Andai saja dia tau perkara sebenar. 

Senyum diberikan kepada Atif. "Ye.. nanti ibu tanya doktor ye bila abang boleh keluar." Ibu bingkas bangun dari duduk.

"Ibu nak pergi mana tu?"

"Nak pergi jalan-jalan kejap, cari makanan. Kesian abang kena makan makanan hospital."

"Okay, bu." Dia mengekori langkah ibu dengan pandangan sehingga hilang di balik pintu.

Atif mengangkat kepala, mencuba untuk bangun. "Aduh!" Cepat-cepat dia memegang kepala. "Aduh.. sakitnya!" Rasa macam baru lepas kena hempap dengan batu.

Dia meraba-raba pula kepalanya. Eh! Berbalut? Sejak bila kepala aku berbalut? Tak perasan pula sebelum ni. 

Sebenarnya kenapa aku ada dekat hospital eh? Ligat otaknya berfikir mencari jawapan. 

"Aduh.. sakit!" Kepalanya terasa berdenyut-denyut. Ah... tak boleh nak fikir. Ingatan sebelum dikejarkan ke hospital seakan hilang daripada kotak memori.

"Kenapa... aku sakit?"


*****

Ibu duduk bersandar pada kerusi dalam kawasan menunggu di lobi hospital. Air mata yang sejak tadi ditahan, dilimpahkan keluar dari empangan mata.

Andai saja dia tahu keadaan sebenar dirinya..


"Alhamdulillah anak encik dah sedar. Keadaan dia pun dah semakin stabil. Apa yang boleh saya katakan adalah anak encik sememangnya seorang pejuang. Sepanjang saya menguruskan pesakit macam ni, jarang yang mempunyai peluang untuk kembali sedar.

Keadaan Atif yang mempunyai barah otak seharusnya mengurangkan lagi peluang dia untuk hidup. But, what can I say is he's magical. Allah memang panjangkan umur dia. Encik patut bersyukur kerana Allah masih beri peluang untuk bersama dengan anak encik.

However, there's still bad effect on him. Dia mungkin akan mengalami kehilangan memori akibat hentakan di otak. Tapi saya tak pasti sama ada dia akan lupa tentang kejadian baru-baru ini atau memori ketika zaman kanak-kanak, ataupun boleh jadi dia hilang keseluruhan memorinya. Encik kena bersedia dengan sebarang kemungkinan.

Hurm... lagi satu perkara.." Doktor Faris menghela nafas panjang.

"Kenapa doktor? Beritahulah kami." Ayah Atif bersuara.

"Saya minta encik dan puan bersabar ye... Sebenarnya, umur Atif sudah tidak panjang. Kecederaan otak akibat hentakan tempoh hari telah mengakibatkan barahnya semakin merebak. Menurut pemerhatian saya, dia hanya boleh bertahan selama 2 tahun sahaja, atau mungkin paling lama pun 10 tahun."

Ibu Atif mula menangis. "Tapi doktor, haritu doktor beritahu kami bahawa barah otaknya boleh dipulihkan. Kami tak sanggup kehilangan dia, doktor."

"Maafkan saya, puan. Kecederaan yang dia alami telah menjejaskan lagi kemampuan otaknya. Kami tidak mampu berbuat apa-apa melainkan ada pertolongan dari Yang Maha Kuasa."

Ayah memeluk bahu ibu, "Sabarlah sayang, setiap yang bernyawa pasti akan merasai mati. Mungkin Allah lebih menyayangi Atif. Kita kena reda dengan ketentuan Ilahi."


"Ya Allah, engkau panjangkanlah umur anakku Ya Allah." Doa ibu di dalam hati.

"Sayang." Bahu ibu ditepuk dari belakang.

Ibu segera mengelap air matanya. Kemudian menoleh ke belakang. "Abang."

"Kenapa duduk dekat sini?"

"Nak belikan makanan untuk Atif. Sebelum tu duduk sekejap dekat sini."

"Awak sedih lagi ye? Janganlah macam ni, kalau Atif nampak awak sedih mesti dia risau."

"Saya okay. Cuma saya kesian dekat dia. Dia sendiri tak tau dia ada barah otak. Kejadian sebelum ni pun dia tak ingat, bang. Saya pulak tak sampai hati nak bagitau dia."

"Tak payah. Jangan bagitau dia dulu. Nanti bila dia dah sembuh sikit, kita bagitau dia ye."

Ibu sekadar mengangguk.

"Dah, jom naik. Abang dah belikan makanan dalam perjalanan ke sini tadi."


*****

"Cap! Kau nak ikut aku tak pergi melawat Atif hari ni?" Asyraf yang sedang khusyuk menyiapkan kerja memandang Muqri di sebelahnya.

"Yeke?! Bila? Pukul berapa? Nak! Nak! Nak ikut!" Teruja dia mendengar pelawaan Muqri.

"Petang nanti kita keluarlah gi tengok dia. Hari ni kan boleh outing."

"Ha.. okay-okay. Aku pun risau weh pasal dia. Sunyi dorm aku bila dia takde."

"Okay, set. Lepas zohor kita jumpa dekat musolla."

"Orite."


*****

"Weh, ni kan bilik Atif?" Asyraf bersuara.

"Ha.. betul lah ni." Muqri mengetuk pintu bilik lalu memulas tombol pintu bilik itu. "Assalamu'alaikum.."

Mereka melangkah masuk ke dalam bilik. Terlihat kelibat ibu Atif di sisi katilnya. 

"Wa'alaikumussalam. Kawan Atif, ye?"

"Ye, makcik. Saya Muqri. Sayalah yang telefon makcik tanya pasal Atif haritu."

"Ohh.. inilah Muqri."

Ibu memandang pula ke arah Asyraf. "Ni sape nama?"

"Nama saya Asyraf. Saya sama dorm dengan Atif."

"Ohh.. Atif tengah tidur tu. Tapi takpe, kejutlah dia. Dah lama sangat dia tidur tu."

Muqri mendekati katil Atif. Digoncangnya tangan Atif perlahan-lahan. "Atif.. bangunlah. Atif..."

Atif perlahan-lahan membuka mata. 

"Atif, aku datang ni dengan Asyraf nak tengok kau. Kau dah sihat?"

Atif memandang Muqri dan Asyraf silih berganti. Dia berasa hairan.

"Korang ni.. siapa?" 

Muqri dan Asyraf tersentap.

HIGH HEELS

Adalah satu hari ni, teman angah beli kasut kahwin dia.

Sambil tunggu dia decide nak beli kasut apa, aku pun try lah kasut yang angah dah ambil, ada kat atas lantai.

Aku pun sarunglah kat kaki sambil duduk. Lepastu pijak lantai betul-betul pakai kasut tu but still dalam keadaan duduk.

Terus terdetik dalam hati, " Jangan bangun. Kalau aku berdiri ni, mau heels dia patah. Tak mampu aku nak ganti balik. " 

Then my head flew to my memories.

Honestly, aku memang tak boleh nak pakai high heels. Nak-nak yang aku try tu 3,4 inci, memang tak lah ceritanya. Even yang 1 or setengah inci pun aku tak pernah nak pakai.

Memang daripada kecik aku suka pakai kasut flat je.

Bukan tak pernah cuba nak pakai high heels tapi setiap kali aku pakai mesti akan jadi disaster.

Paling aku tak boleh lupa ada satu kejadian ni yang memang sejak tu aku insaf taknak pakai kasut tinggi dah.

Masa tu aku form two rasanya. Pergilah beraya kat kampung time hari raya kedua, pakai wedges. 

Baru je beberapa langkah dari rumah..

Ouch!

Terseliuh...

Dan lebih menyayat hari, tapak wedges tu tercabut! Sedih weh, dah lah kasut baru. Baru beberapa kali pakai dah tamat dah riwayat kasut tu.

 Tapi alhamdulillah kaki tak sakit teruk. Still lagi boleh berjalan pergi beraya.

Tapi tulah, kasutnya hancur sebab aku terpeleot. Pergilah beraya dengan selipar makcik kat kampung tu. 

Tu baru wedges beb, belum lagi high heels yang memang tapak halus tu.

Kalau high heels tu tak taulah jadi apa.

Itulah cerita yang paling dahsyat yang memang sampai sekarang aku ingat.

And... *another story*

Zaman sekolah menengah, lebih tepat lagi zaman lower form, aku tak boleh nak pakai kasut sekolah yang pvc tu. 

Even kawan lain ramai je yang dah pakai kasut tu, tapi aku masih lagi pakai kasut kanvas.

Bila aku pakai kasut tu je, kaki aku sakit. 

Sebab aku ni jenis gangster kot, jalan pun aci redah je. 

So, bila kena pakai kasut pvc ni, pergerakan aku terbatas. 

Rasa "perempuan" sangat bila pakai kasut tu. 

Yelah, stepping kena jaga, kalau tak terseliuh pulak.

So, aku memang tak boleh go lah dengan kasut pvc ni. Aku pun pakailah kasut kanvas sampai...

Sampai aku buat keputusan untuk pindah sekolah.

Masuk sekolah sbp, for sure kena pakai kasut pvc. Tak pernah pulak aku nampak kawan-kawan aku pakai kasut kanvas. 

So, nak tak nak kena hadap lah jugak kasut tu.

First few month memang macam disaster jugak lah. 

Bayanglah kasut pvc je pun tapi aku still boleh terseliuh. Entah pape kan? 

But I survived wearing that shoes for two years.

And you know what?

Sekarang aku dah boleh pakai kasut wedges. wuhuuu!

Berkat tarbiyah sekolah aku tu, dapatlah aku rasa macam perempuan sikit bila boleh pakai wedges. 

Tulah one of hikmah yang aku dapat bila pindah sekolah.

Dapat didik aku jadi perempuan sikit. Sikit jelah sebab fitrah gangster tu still ada lagi haha.

Jadi pengajarannya adalah, kalau kita tak keluar daripada zon selesa kita, kita takkan belajar sesuatu yang baru daripada hidup kita.

Memang, melepaskan sesuatu yang kita pernah ada tu menyakitkan. 

Tapi percayalah, yang kita akan dapat sesuatu yang kita takkan dapat kalau kita tak belajar untuk melepaskan.

So, apa-apa pun istikharah tu penting. Sebab Allah knows better what's best in our life ^^

  

  

MY SHOULDER

المؤمن مرءة المؤمن

"Mukmin itu adalah cerminan kepada mukmin yang lain"

Okay firstly, this post will not be like stories that I usually made.
Secondly, get ready to feel irritated because of my broken english (but I still hope that I can get an A+ for my English paper) and my 'rojak' manglish. 

I dedicated this post for my lovely bestfriend who is celebrating her 18th birthday on 7th of January.

We started to be friends at the early of January in 2012. And now it's already 2017, so our friendship is reaching 5 years old! I hope the number will be increasing. 

A five years old friendship is not easy. We don't face it with only rainbows, flowers, butterflies, sunshine.. No! Sometimes, we got hit by the storms, tornadoes, thunderstorm and heavy rain. And even the flood made us tear apart, but there will always a boat that will keep us back together.

Now, let me take you to the memory lane and see what we had gone through together. 

2012, we were not a bestie yet and at this time I knew you hated me so much. Yeah, I know that I was not a good kb and pkt for you. That's why you hated me. 

But, after the first semester of the school, we're getting closer. The thing that made us close was songs. We usually sang nasyids together and that's the thing. The turning point of the begining in our friendship. And somehow, our schedule fix each other and we spend more time together.

2013, our friendship were still fine. We shared our stories together. Get to know deeper about each other. Gossiping about crush(s)..haha. Just kidding. And our bond grew even stronger with the other two, Piqah and Syiqin. 

They jumped into our friendship because Piqah is my deskmate for two years at that time (and now she holds my 3 years and a quater being my deskmate) and Syiqin was her deskmate. Because of our friendship, the two got involves.

2014, I could say that this year was a disaster. Full with sweets memories yet painful memories too. I share about the painful memories first. We had our biggest fight. I could not remember the details about it as it was not the memories that I wanted to keep. But what I remember the most is when I got mad at you because I felt that you didn't need me as your bestfriend. I've had that feeling because you said that Syiqin is your soulmate, which we both understand the meaning that she is important in your life, while Piqah is like your mother or sister, who is also a person that you rely most. But me, you said that I'm your 'sahabat'. I questioned myself, am I really just your typical friend or what? Because of my misunderstanding, we didn't talk for a long time. And I'm still wondering what is my level of 'sahabat' for you. But after some time, we still make it as a bestfriend.

Okay, done with the bad thing, I proceed with the good one. This was the year where I called 'tahun kesakitan'. I rarely got sick, but this year it came quite often. You were always be there when I need somebody by my side. I still remember when we were having our test, I suddenly got a fever. During recess we went to the mosque because I wanted to lay down. We also bring our KHB revision books as it will be our next paper that day. I took a nap with my head on her lap. With patience, she accompanied me while reading her book. We were there until a few more minutes before the test started. 

Second story happened when trial pt3 was just around the corner. I got conjunctivitis or sakit mata because of the infection from my friend. She calmly with me when I called my parents to tell them about it. They asked me to go home but I refused because I will have to skip my trial paper. I cried because I insisted not to go home. She then persuade me and brought me to the teacher and ask permission to go home.

That was only several situations about she's being there when I needed. What she had to me was countless. No other sentence that I can describe her except I grateful to have you as my bestfriend.  

2015, what I can say from this year is it's the begining of our far story. She got the offer to SBP school which I also get. She wanted to go there despite of her parents desire but I'm not. I did not want to change school. I want to be here. All the time I prayed that she could change her mind and stayed here with us. 

But unfortunately, after I did my istikharah, my heart suddenly changed. From having no desire at all, I started to think about moving there. And now, here I am, following her to this school following Allah's hint. Back three years, we were in the same class and our dorm was not so far. But here, we were not in the same class, our dorms were far from each other. So, it made our time together were so limited. But, we're still okay when we decided to enter the pantun team.

2016, when we finished our competition, we rarely see each other. In other way is we both busy in our own life. No more word together. But what I appreciate a lot is, you will always there when I need you. Even sometimes I ignored you, you will come and get me when I fell. 

When we're stitting our trial SPM, I'm having trouble when I'm writing essay for my English paper. I became blank! I nearly cried at that moment because I've got no idea to write a story. After that paper, I felt miserable. You were the first person that I looked for and I told you about it. I cried and you lend me your shoulder. You gave me moral support and cheered me up.

You were here again to be my shoulder when we face SPM paper. The most disaster feeling that I got when answering SPM's questions is when I answered additional mathematics paper. Paper one add math for me was tough. I didn't know why, but my head seemed to be blank and stuck. Even the easy questions make my head burst. When I stepped out the hall, everyone seems to be happy with the paper. I got lost. Is is too easy? Am I too dumb? I tried to seek for my happy booster with my other friends. But, I couldn't find it. I just walked with fake smile trying to continue my life. 

But then, I found you. So, I decided to be with you before the second paper. Then, I shared with you about my disaster paper. Honestly, I felt despair and I didn't have the strength anymore to face add math paper. And suddenly, my tears went out. I cried by your side. I didn't even care that I was in the middle of the people in ulul albab hall as I knew that nobody cares about me. Because I knew that I only have you that cares the most about me. And again, you gave me hopes to keep moving on and fight for my paper two.

I stepped in the hall, with some hope from her. As I sat down, the bad memories of the earlier paper came. My hearts shaking and my eyes started to fill with tear. Before the paper started, I cried. Like real cry, not just tears going down my cheeks. I never did this in my entire life. And this will be one of my memories taking spm papers. And alhamdulillah my paper two went okay and super fine.

But, the 'okay' thing did not made my day. After the paper, I lied down on my bed (actually, it's my friend's bed). My head felt so hurt plus my sadness of the paper. I wanted to cry, but I just can't. I can't cry in front of any people. I can't share my sadness to any people. And so, I hold it back until we all needed to take our dinner. I decided to put my head on the table to make me feel better (honestly, I wanted to cry without anyone noticing it). I cried when everybody was reciting al'mathurat. I cried during this time because it made me feel close to Allah as I was crying in front of Him.

After al'mathurat, I still did not lift my head. My left deskmate shook my body and asked me to go outside but I refused. I'm not in a mood to fulfill people's wish at this time (sorry dear, I know you'll read this). She asked me several times but I still with my decision. Suddenly, I heard her voice next to my ears. She held my shoulders and I grabbed her hand. My sobs suddenly grew harder. She persuaded me to go outside the dining hall but I shook my head. She tried again and finally I agree. 

So, we both went outside.The sadness is still killing me and I just cried on her shoulder. Unfortunately, something bad happened. It's so embarassing for me to write it here. And so, I won't write it but I knew she must remember it. That thing made me burst of laugh. We were making noise outside because of the incident until the people in the dining hall peeking outside to see who was making the noise. But, I didn't care and continue laughing.

When I finished entertain myself, she asked me if I was not okay. And I just tell her about what's bothering me which is nothing actually. It's just me myself who wanted to cry. And after all, I got my life back.

From that I finally understand myself that, it was not easy for me to share my problems with others. And when it comes to you, I easily shows my heart to you. You should be proud to be that special person.

Eventhough you treat me so good, you understands me so well, I'm sorry for not be the one as you be for me. Maybe, I'm being selfish for not understand what you exactly feel. I'm sorry.

I want to thank you a lot for being my shoulder for 5 years and I hope it's still counting. You are special in my heart. You have your own space in my heart. I don't care anymore if I'm not in your heart (even I hope that I'm in it), as long as you are always there for me.

Finally, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUFA NABILAH BINTI MOHAMED FAIZUL !

May Allah bless you always and showers you with happiness dunya wal akhirah

May our ukhuwah lasts forever till jannah

May you get the best SPM result and further your studies overseas as you wish for

Don't forget me in your dua

Sorry for the bad memories you have about me

Thanks for the great memories we share together

Love you till jannah

Uhibbukifillah 

our last photo together as a student. Don't delete it, or you will regret it..haha just kidding

p/s: I used red font  because you like red. I used blue font because you are a khalidian and because I love blue too
I wrote this in english because I express my feelings well in this language
Do answer the question that I wonder in the text above.. hehe
Do correct me if my feelings are wrong about you
Lastly, I love you