MY SHOULDER

المؤمن مرءة المؤمن

"Mukmin itu adalah cerminan kepada mukmin yang lain"

Okay firstly, this post will not be like stories that I usually made.
Secondly, get ready to feel irritated because of my broken english (but I still hope that I can get an A+ for my English paper) and my 'rojak' manglish. 

I dedicated this post for my lovely bestfriend who is celebrating her 18th birthday on 7th of January.

We started to be friends at the early of January in 2012. And now it's already 2017, so our friendship is reaching 5 years old! I hope the number will be increasing. 

A five years old friendship is not easy. We don't face it with only rainbows, flowers, butterflies, sunshine.. No! Sometimes, we got hit by the storms, tornadoes, thunderstorm and heavy rain. And even the flood made us tear apart, but there will always a boat that will keep us back together.

Now, let me take you to the memory lane and see what we had gone through together. 

2012, we were not a bestie yet and at this time I knew you hated me so much. Yeah, I know that I was not a good kb and pkt for you. That's why you hated me. 

But, after the first semester of the school, we're getting closer. The thing that made us close was songs. We usually sang nasyids together and that's the thing. The turning point of the begining in our friendship. And somehow, our schedule fix each other and we spend more time together.

2013, our friendship were still fine. We shared our stories together. Get to know deeper about each other. Gossiping about crush(s)..haha. Just kidding. And our bond grew even stronger with the other two, Piqah and Syiqin. 

They jumped into our friendship because Piqah is my deskmate for two years at that time (and now she holds my 3 years and a quater being my deskmate) and Syiqin was her deskmate. Because of our friendship, the two got involves.

2014, I could say that this year was a disaster. Full with sweets memories yet painful memories too. I share about the painful memories first. We had our biggest fight. I could not remember the details about it as it was not the memories that I wanted to keep. But what I remember the most is when I got mad at you because I felt that you didn't need me as your bestfriend. I've had that feeling because you said that Syiqin is your soulmate, which we both understand the meaning that she is important in your life, while Piqah is like your mother or sister, who is also a person that you rely most. But me, you said that I'm your 'sahabat'. I questioned myself, am I really just your typical friend or what? Because of my misunderstanding, we didn't talk for a long time. And I'm still wondering what is my level of 'sahabat' for you. But after some time, we still make it as a bestfriend.

Okay, done with the bad thing, I proceed with the good one. This was the year where I called 'tahun kesakitan'. I rarely got sick, but this year it came quite often. You were always be there when I need somebody by my side. I still remember when we were having our test, I suddenly got a fever. During recess we went to the mosque because I wanted to lay down. We also bring our KHB revision books as it will be our next paper that day. I took a nap with my head on her lap. With patience, she accompanied me while reading her book. We were there until a few more minutes before the test started. 

Second story happened when trial pt3 was just around the corner. I got conjunctivitis or sakit mata because of the infection from my friend. She calmly with me when I called my parents to tell them about it. They asked me to go home but I refused because I will have to skip my trial paper. I cried because I insisted not to go home. She then persuade me and brought me to the teacher and ask permission to go home.

That was only several situations about she's being there when I needed. What she had to me was countless. No other sentence that I can describe her except I grateful to have you as my bestfriend.  

2015, what I can say from this year is it's the begining of our far story. She got the offer to SBP school which I also get. She wanted to go there despite of her parents desire but I'm not. I did not want to change school. I want to be here. All the time I prayed that she could change her mind and stayed here with us. 

But unfortunately, after I did my istikharah, my heart suddenly changed. From having no desire at all, I started to think about moving there. And now, here I am, following her to this school following Allah's hint. Back three years, we were in the same class and our dorm was not so far. But here, we were not in the same class, our dorms were far from each other. So, it made our time together were so limited. But, we're still okay when we decided to enter the pantun team.

2016, when we finished our competition, we rarely see each other. In other way is we both busy in our own life. No more word together. But what I appreciate a lot is, you will always there when I need you. Even sometimes I ignored you, you will come and get me when I fell. 

When we're stitting our trial SPM, I'm having trouble when I'm writing essay for my English paper. I became blank! I nearly cried at that moment because I've got no idea to write a story. After that paper, I felt miserable. You were the first person that I looked for and I told you about it. I cried and you lend me your shoulder. You gave me moral support and cheered me up.

You were here again to be my shoulder when we face SPM paper. The most disaster feeling that I got when answering SPM's questions is when I answered additional mathematics paper. Paper one add math for me was tough. I didn't know why, but my head seemed to be blank and stuck. Even the easy questions make my head burst. When I stepped out the hall, everyone seems to be happy with the paper. I got lost. Is is too easy? Am I too dumb? I tried to seek for my happy booster with my other friends. But, I couldn't find it. I just walked with fake smile trying to continue my life. 

But then, I found you. So, I decided to be with you before the second paper. Then, I shared with you about my disaster paper. Honestly, I felt despair and I didn't have the strength anymore to face add math paper. And suddenly, my tears went out. I cried by your side. I didn't even care that I was in the middle of the people in ulul albab hall as I knew that nobody cares about me. Because I knew that I only have you that cares the most about me. And again, you gave me hopes to keep moving on and fight for my paper two.

I stepped in the hall, with some hope from her. As I sat down, the bad memories of the earlier paper came. My hearts shaking and my eyes started to fill with tear. Before the paper started, I cried. Like real cry, not just tears going down my cheeks. I never did this in my entire life. And this will be one of my memories taking spm papers. And alhamdulillah my paper two went okay and super fine.

But, the 'okay' thing did not made my day. After the paper, I lied down on my bed (actually, it's my friend's bed). My head felt so hurt plus my sadness of the paper. I wanted to cry, but I just can't. I can't cry in front of any people. I can't share my sadness to any people. And so, I hold it back until we all needed to take our dinner. I decided to put my head on the table to make me feel better (honestly, I wanted to cry without anyone noticing it). I cried when everybody was reciting al'mathurat. I cried during this time because it made me feel close to Allah as I was crying in front of Him.

After al'mathurat, I still did not lift my head. My left deskmate shook my body and asked me to go outside but I refused. I'm not in a mood to fulfill people's wish at this time (sorry dear, I know you'll read this). She asked me several times but I still with my decision. Suddenly, I heard her voice next to my ears. She held my shoulders and I grabbed her hand. My sobs suddenly grew harder. She persuaded me to go outside the dining hall but I shook my head. She tried again and finally I agree. 

So, we both went outside.The sadness is still killing me and I just cried on her shoulder. Unfortunately, something bad happened. It's so embarassing for me to write it here. And so, I won't write it but I knew she must remember it. That thing made me burst of laugh. We were making noise outside because of the incident until the people in the dining hall peeking outside to see who was making the noise. But, I didn't care and continue laughing.

When I finished entertain myself, she asked me if I was not okay. And I just tell her about what's bothering me which is nothing actually. It's just me myself who wanted to cry. And after all, I got my life back.

From that I finally understand myself that, it was not easy for me to share my problems with others. And when it comes to you, I easily shows my heart to you. You should be proud to be that special person.

Eventhough you treat me so good, you understands me so well, I'm sorry for not be the one as you be for me. Maybe, I'm being selfish for not understand what you exactly feel. I'm sorry.

I want to thank you a lot for being my shoulder for 5 years and I hope it's still counting. You are special in my heart. You have your own space in my heart. I don't care anymore if I'm not in your heart (even I hope that I'm in it), as long as you are always there for me.

Finally, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUFA NABILAH BINTI MOHAMED FAIZUL !

May Allah bless you always and showers you with happiness dunya wal akhirah

May our ukhuwah lasts forever till jannah

May you get the best SPM result and further your studies overseas as you wish for

Don't forget me in your dua

Sorry for the bad memories you have about me

Thanks for the great memories we share together

Love you till jannah

Uhibbukifillah 

our last photo together as a student. Don't delete it, or you will regret it..haha just kidding

p/s: I used red font  because you like red. I used blue font because you are a khalidian and because I love blue too
I wrote this in english because I express my feelings well in this language
Do answer the question that I wonder in the text above.. hehe
Do correct me if my feelings are wrong about you
Lastly, I love you